In the future, we all wear sunglasses
Last night I saw The Book of Eli, Hollywood’s latest post-apocalypse movie, featuring Denzel Washington, Gary Oldman and Mila Kunis. (She was hot in this movie, by the way. She can be really hit or miss for a Ukranian.) Overall I enjoyed the movie which was replete with well-directed action scenes, expansive visuals and suitable acting from pretty much every character on the screen. The premise of the film is thus: following a (presumed) global war AND some unspecified catastrophe with the sun (double whammy!), the majority of humanity is dead and it’s cultural relics have been all but completely destroyed. Society has broken down in typical apocalyptic fashion and a few evil men rule over small isolated pockets of civilization. Our hero is in possession of a key artifact desired by those men and he has sworn his life to its protection. And much like the characters in Mad Max needed huge shoulder pads to survive, the people in Eli all need sunglasses to make it from day to day. Luckily, Oakley and Ray-Ban were good enough to leave their warehouses open so every important character could have a pair.
As I stated, I very much enjoyed the movie. The style and pacing were pretty spot on. The Hughes Brothers, the movie’s directors, successfully combined the post-apocalypse and western genres in an almost beautiful landscape which was hammered home by desaturating the entire film… pretty effective. Of course, huge implausibilities abound, but those I can overlook. I can suspend my disbelief well enough to accept that, once again, our hero is in a desert fighting bands of cannibalistic ne’er-do-wells and somehow hairless cats can survive the event known as The Flash without sunscreen. (I wonder what Canada would be like after the apocalypse?) It’s the minor faux pas that really irk me because they could be completely avoided with just a hint of forethought.
First off and most annoying, we find that Eli has been on his mission for quite a long time. I won’t specify exactly how long so those of you planning on seeing it can still get drawn into the movie. Suffice it to say, though, that he’s been walking much longer than an iPod battery could possibly continue to hold a charge no matter how diligent you were about recharging it. Let’s not forget that he’s using an early generation iPod which has an old-school hard drive (versus today’s solid-state stuff). No way that thing could hold up as long as we’re lead to believe. Unless Steve Jobs really is the genius the fanboys believe him to be, of course.
The movie climaxes with a solid gun fight at an isolated and rundown home in the middle of nowhere. Great scene. But really, the armored trucks and cars Oldman and his crew used to get out there clearly wouldn’t have had air conditioning. Not a chance they’d be able to acquire the refrigerant necessary for the systems. And what about the gas? Where would you get the gas to fuel these pigs long after trucks have stopped delivering to your friendly neighborhood gas station? A Brinks truck can’t get better than, say, five miles per gallon and these guys are out chasing one guy and his sidekick across the scorching desert without A/C or even a convertible top? Highly dubious.
My last complaints are more about standard stupid movie shit than the are about crappy plot devices. As hinted at above, why does every dystopian future take place in the desert? Surely the more northern latitudes must have enough dramatics going on to make a movie about. Furthermore, I’m sick and tired of a certain famous bridge and the nearby island prison being key points in movies, the former always being destroyed. Overused plot devices such as these always make me think “Yawn… Haven’t I seen this at least four gajillion times already?” For fuck’s sake, how about some originality in movies? Or have we exhausted human cinematic creativity?
And product placement… holy hell. KFC wetnaps, the aforementioned iPod, a remarkably vibrant Busch beer truck, headphones by Dr. Dre and, most prominently, Oakley’s sunglasses as worn by our protagonist. Good product placement occurs when I don’t consciously notice it and, by that measure, The Book of Eli failed within the first five minutes. I can accept something like the sunglasses, though. I mean, every movie hero has some kick-ass shades, right? James Bond, The Terminator, Morpheus, Will Smith in Men in Black… all had distinctive eye decoration. Denzel is just doing his part for the sunglasses industry and doing it well. Oakley provided a pair of their Inmates for the film and they look great. In fact, I liked them so much that I drove an hour to Las Cruces today to try them on and, ultimately, purchased a pair of my own.
Hmmm… Maybe product placement works better than I think. To be fair, I’ve been in need of some new sunglasses for about six months. I guess when it came to sunglasses, I was open to being influenced. Well done, Oakley! As for the movie, if you really want to get drawn into the environment of Eli, check it out in theaters. It’s definitely worth a matinee ticket. And much as the film’s theme is faith, if you go into the movie a skeptic, you’ll leave a skeptic. Go in with “faith,” however, and you will be rewarded handsomely. (That coming from an atheist of all people!)